Updated: Dec 11, 2019
Relationships and Mind Reading 1-NO-1: The Destructive Mine Field:
Why We Demand And Expect Mind Reading, And Why We Have To Stop
I’ve written before about being toxic and trying to own my behavior so that I never again consistently damage the ones I love or fall in with other toxic people.
Today I want to share one of my absolute most toxic relationship habits: the demand for mind-reading capabilities.
Reading it on a magical glowing rectangle, I know how irrational and asinine actually requiring mind reading from your loved ones sounds. But I have a whole list of reasons why I did it, and why you or your loved one might too.
I’m not proud. I'm going to be very open about why I (and others) allowed the demand for intense psychic capabilities from those who tried so hard to love me—
to literally destroy our relationship.
We “NEED” our minds read when:
1.) We feel like we’ve been ignored so much it isn’t even worth it to share.
We might want someone to know what we’re thinking, but whenever we go to actually do it, we’re reminded of how little our opinions or wants mattered...
We’ve just been discouraged and humiliated so damn much, consistently and brutally.
We honestly just don’t see a point anymore. We know what will happen: what has always happened.
So we sit there, passively shouting our buried thoughts in silent frustration or dead-eyed surrender until the embarrassing day when it finally explodes out of us.
2.) We want an assive-aggressive way to transfer our own perceived powerlessness on to someone else we can use as our doormat and emotional punching bag.
Hurt people hurt people.
When we act like someone is abnormal, lazy, rude, shameful, hurtful, bad, we start to believe our own lie about them and give ourselves a pitiful, flimsy excuse to justify the abuse in what becomes a vicious cycle that’s really just a self-sabotaging coping mechanism.
This way, we can belittle others when we feel belittled.
We can make them look stupid and inept when it’s really us who feel stupid and inept.
They try to make us happy and because we don’t truly believe we deserve it, and because we are sabotaging ourselves, we sabotage them too: we start claiming we changed our mind (the mind we never revealed) when they try to make us happy; or we start gaslighting that we made it obvious when we down-in-our-hearts know we didn’t.
We’re constantly “moving the goal posts” as they say, with no notice, so we have a reason the get angry and lash out to relieve our inner frustrations.
We hate them and we hate the whole world because we hate ourselves. We think we’ll never succeed so we can’t let them succeed.
We hate them because we know they are going to abandon us, because we abandoned ourselves. So we mindf*ck with them and hand them the knife to cut us off with because your subconscious mind will never make you a liar.
We’re so powerful we can cast our own self-fulfilling prophecy. We are so free we can choose this bondage mindset.