DICTIONARY OF RELATIONSHIP PORTMANTEAUS

Updated: Dec 11, 2019

For Functional and Dysfunctional Situationships!


Abondanded: When you think you have an inseparable bond with someone, and they leave you and move on like nothing happened.

“Divorce is a form of abondanment.”


Arrocant: A modifier of some forms of narcissism when the narcissist has to control every situation and everything has to be done their way because they are so arrogant as to believe that it can’t be done by anyone else. Malfeasabilists can be described as Arrocant: if they haven’t suggested it, it can’t work out. A truly megalomaniacal form of domination.

“Don’t even try to suggest an idea; she’s so arrocant!”


Assive-aggressive: A more accurate, if cruder, term for being exceptionally passive-aggressive. You purposefully be an ass to retaliate in a indirect, non-confrontational way.

“He left his dirty clothes on the floor after the millionth time I asked him to pick them up, so I started to use them to wipe spills off the floor.” “That is quite assive-aggressive.”


Bragnation: When someone talks a big game, bragging about all the wonderful things they are going to do (or have done in the past), but stagnate by taking no steps to do anything productive in the present.


Casahoova: A narcissist who cycles through their former lovers, hovering them back in with all the most romantic tokens for yet another ill-fated fling before devaluing and discarding them yet again.

“I fell for Casahoova again. In all fairness I was lonely and vulnerable.” “Next time, have a “Eureka” moment *before* you take him back.” “Ha Ha, I see what you did there...Eureka, as in discovery...and Eureka, as in the vacuum cleaner brand.” “It’s not funny if you explain it.” “It’s funnier than if no one got it at all ever!”


Cerebral-bration: When you re-calibrate your negative mindset and traits into a positive mindset and talents so that you win in an area you previously felt like a loser in, giving you a reason to celebrate!

Deja F.U.: When your ex- reaches out to you with the same lame crap and you remember what happened last time so you give them the finger and do a relationchop.


Disparriage: A marriage consisting of vast quantities of emotional abuse (disparaging remarks, etc.).

“I was in a disparriage until he decided to abondan me.”


Don Bomb: When you connect all the red flags and recognize a “Don Juan” who is clearly love-bombing you, so you need a slightly disparaging nickname for them.

“I’ve had enough break-ups and done enough work on myself to recognize and run from that obvious Don Bomb.” “I guess you could say Don Bomb bombed with you.” “Ha ha.”


Elationship: A really happy relationship full of elation, when you realize that if you don’t be happy and bring your own fun, there won’t be any.

“I’m improving myself everyday so that I can turn all my relationships into elationships!”


Execuse: An integral part of the relationchip, using anything and everything as an excuse to execute a little piece of your joy and soul at every opportunity. Works best with maim-taining for longer lasting opportunities.


Blaming the cat for her daughter's acne was just an execuse to sh*t on something that made her daughter happy, not have to pay a dermatologist, and let her daughter live in sad embarrassment.


Exitcuse (say it fast, the I is almost silent): Using some pretense (excuse), like blowing up a fight or an argument, to have pretense to cruelly and suddenly dump you (exit) and it be “your fault”.

“My narcissistic ex- openly admitted to using exitcuses to devalue and kick out the poor unfortunate souls who used to date him.”

Maim-tenance: Another term for Intermittent Reinforcement, where you take a chronic emotional beating (maiming) with just enough reward to keep you coming back for more (maintained).


“They took you out to eat and then complained about it and you the whole time? You are being maim-tained!”


Maintainting: Self-sabotaging, ruining, or tainting things at every opportunity when you think you’re making it work.

“I didn’t realize I had almost no self-awareness, and personality adaptations from a childhood full of emotional trauma, so I maintainted my relationship with my issues when I thought I was maintaining it by trying to fix the other person.”

Malfeasabilitist: Someone who always turns your feasible ideas into disasters in the idea stage; A negative person (malfeasor—“evildoer”) who listens to your reasonable ideas (feasible plans) and then always carefully explains why they are stupid and won’t work with all kinds of terrifying tales of woe and discouragement so that you want to just give up on life. Usually used to keep you from individuating or growing so you are always beneath them or at their beck and call.

“Don’t tell Mom you’re planning an international vacation. You know she’s a malfeasabilist and your dreams aren’t safe with her!"


Midimalist: A person who finds a healthy, happy middle path in life, staying true to themselves and letting life be as easy and joyful as possible by no longer resisting their unique and natural inner goodness, self-love, and self-care.


Mythunderstanding: A diversionary tactic used by narcissists to deflect blame by pretending not to understand what you are upset about.

“I tried to explain how I felt again, and she twisted it around on me into a completely unrelated and outrageous attack on something I didn’t even say she did...it became a big mythunderstanding...AGAIN.”


No-mo'sexual: A person who, once you really connect with them and give them your all, once they know they have you and you love them, you don't see them no mo'.


Psydekick: Expecting your loved ones to read your mind (be psychic) and know exactly what menial sidekick work you want and expect done—to perfection, of course, exactly as you would have done it--without ever having to be vulnerable or common enough to open your mouth and be...open. Emphasis on the kick part, which is what you emotionally do when they show you how much they don’t care about you by refusing to spontaneously develop finely-tuned E.S.P.

“I ruined my relationsh*t in part by trying to turn my lover into a psydekick. My subconscious thought this was a normal expectation because this behavior was modeled to me by my parent. Also, they made me feel unsafe to openly share my feelings by constantly mythunderstanding, so I may have been a bit assive-aggressive.”


Relationchip: Any subtle negative or unpleasant behavior pattern that slowly chips away at yourself esteem, worth, and sanity; a relationship with a narcissist, especially a covert one.

Relationchop: When you (or they) have had enough, do a karate chop cut-off, and disappear like a ninja.

“I finally got sick of their sh*t and did myself the favor of making a relationchop.”

Relationshop: Any relationsh*t where you compensate for your unhappiness with some sort of outlet, crutch, or addiction, especially spending. May also mean a relationship where one member is a gold-digger and one member is the sugarparent.

“I think I’m in a relationshop.”

“Ooo guuurrrllll, LUCKY! Get yos, mama!”

“No, the other kind, where I’m losing my sanity and going broke.”

“Oh. Time for a relationchop.”


Relusional: Repeating the relationship after you already repeated the relationship, taking someone back for the nth time because you are delusional enough to think “This time it will be different!” From “re-“-again.

“He rebroke my heart again.” “I knew you were being relusional but I didn’t want to say anything because I knew you’d find out soon enough anyway.”


Sh*tuation: A crappy situation.

Thrillty: When a narcissist takes the blame and apologizes (guilty) just to get something they want (the thrill of your energetic supply and being able to “win” whatever they want). May also mean the thrill a narcissist gets from making you feel guilty for being a normal human with normal reactions.

“He tried to Hoover me back in with flowers and everything I wanted to hear, but I knew the apology was insincere thrillt.”

Tit-For-Tat-too: A brain tattoo, a mental recording, as permanent as ink, of what they’ve done for you and what you now owe them.


“It’s high time I got a tit-for-tat-too removal. I want to lighten up and make my relationchip into an elationship!”

Image Credit:

Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash

https://unsplash.com/photos/yHG6llFLjS0

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