GRIEVING THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE: HOW TO COPE AND FINALLY FEEL BETTER


In The Middle Of A Beautiful, Mowed Grass Meadow, A Person In A White Long-Sleeved Shirt And Jeans Stands, Arms Held Slightly Out To The Side As If In Wonder. A Bare Tree Is A Little Way Off, And A Wind-Screen Of Evergreens In The Distance. A Split-Rail Wooden Fence Is In The Very Forefront.

A grotesquely common trope / plot is for a hero to have to stop “the end of the world”. This always makes me roll my eyes.


I would love for one immediate cataclysmic event to end the world once and for all. No more grief. No more b.s. No more loss. It’s not like everything isn’t going to die or be destroyed by degrees anyways. We’d all leave together, which eliminates the worst part of loss: the separation.


Under the current system, the world ends for individuals everyday, and it’s all the more harder because it happens under very isolating circumstances. All too often, our world is ending for us and us alone, and we feel that aloneness acutely. We have to continue to pretend our world didn’t end while we exist in a vibrant, often unforgiving, shadow world, struggling to function “normally” with the shattered fragments of what is left of us.


It sucks and it feels horrible, it’s unbearable and pretty much couldn’t be worse.


I’m dealing with this myself right now. I don’t have all the answers, and I can’t heal your heart (even though I wish it worked that way). I just want to offer you the thoughts that comfort me, the thoughts and understanding and reassurance that I wish I had had years ago.


Someone I love very, very much recently changed form, as matter and energy always does.


Despite knowing everything is designed to do this, and despite knowing that everything goes back to Source, and so on and so forth, I still took it very hard. VERY HARD. This happened a month ago and my hair is still falling out in clumps (I’m taking vitamins and collagen but my hair follicles don’t seem to care right now).


That was MY LOVE, in the form that I love and *want*.


Well, Love likes to play and change things up. Love loves a dynamic storyline. But that "changing up" feels alot like permanent loss, even though it really is not.


I’ve come to realize that life is infinite variety in infinite similarity, and that all love is really just expressions of one Love.


Love is a Banyan forest: many trunks, one single tree.


The Expression of Love that you are missing right now is eternal because Love is eternal and it can’t exclude itself. The Whole can not be unintegrated.


Just like matter and energy, Love can not be destroyed. It will, however, change forms.


Love is eternal and unending, and it is returning to you. It’s going to delight you with a brand new Expression. It may be similar, or very different. But it will still be THE Love, and it will be yours, even if one day you can’t see it the same as you used to.


And you will love it differently, but no less, than you loved the other Expressions.


If you are sad at the change / "loss", that’s a good sign that the Love did its job being everything It was supposed to be.


The Universe knows the universal secret: to always leave them wanting a little bit more.


Just remember that life is a smorgasbord, it’s really just a sampler of experiences. The "why" isn’t important. Play is its own purpose and its own reward, and as we all know, life is just a game.


I think it is interesting that nearly every culture in the world, no matter how ancient, has a strange belief or knowingness that there is a continuation after this, one that is either very pleasant, or at least not unpleasant.


Maybe in your heart of hearts right now, you feel this or know this, but you want it confirmed. You just want to know...FOR SURE.


You can read near-death experiences. That’s what I do.


You can read about people who have had intense spiritual experiences, whether drug-induced or not.


I have been blessed to have such an experience. Things that can only be described as hyper-real. Once you’ve experienced the Truth, you can’t un-know it.


But even if your spiritual experience is "just" that quiet voice that’s never wrong and speaks so softly that it’s almost *too easy* to ignore (and when we do, it's to our misfortune)...it’s enough that you know. YOU DO KNOW. How? It does.not.matter.how. The "how" is never as important as you think. It really doesn’t matter how you know. It doesn’t matter how, it’s enough that it IS.


It is always enough that YOU know.


Even if you find this hard to believe, and you’re sure that all things go to and come from Nothingness, what is "Nothingness" other than infinite creative possibility, just as all colors split from white light, which is invisible but which makes all things visible.


There can’t be Nothingness, because there is Somethingness. And you know that because you are here.


And The Love is too.


The closer you get to the Love, the more the Love will take care of you. Love always belongs with you because it IS you and all things, visible and invisible.


That’s all I’ve got.


But it is enough.


We all go back to Love, the Source, to be infinite with It forever.


And when you realize that well enough, the pain of loss becomes the pain of delayed gratification. The pain of “death” is the finality of completion and the anxious anticipating of the next chapter, era, movement.


And I mean that, even when the “loss” is from someone who hasn’t gone through the phenomenon we call "death".


There are lots of times it feels like the Love has completely died. We’re devastated because we feel abandoned (at the worst, sh*tstorm moment); that love is GONE.


But what if everything is in complete upheaval because the energy is changing to set a new scene, just like during a play when the curtains close and the lights go out and everyone is scrambling to disassemble the props and backgrounds and put up the new ones?


And here we are, worrying that intermission means everything is completely over.


Like Esther Hicks says, “You can never get it wrong because it’s never done, and you can never fail because it’s never finished.”


We’re missing the way that we were treated (when it was good). We miss the love, the security, the recognition, feeling “matched” to a vibration that matched something in us, the stimulation and excitement and MATTERING, the purpose and reason-to-be, the way we *felt* in response to the stimuli provided…


...when we did feel better, and not worse...although at least feeling worse is at least kind of interesting and if we’re all alone even interesting in a bad way can seem more appealing than complete emptiness, I've been there.


The good news is that the Love flows through YOU no less, and you can provide all these things in some form of soothing and stimulation to YOURSELF while the circumstances align just right and the Love returns to your life in its next expression. And that expression will be good. Love is never there to harm you, only to prosper you.


Love loves to play and change things up. But Love always plays for keeps. And Love is keeping YOU. The whole can not be unintegrated. There is no separation, only a warped perception of separation.


“Death is the opposite of birth, but there is no opposite of life.”

--Jimmy Dore, The Jimmy Dore Show, August 25, 2020, echoing Eckhart Tolle


I hope this helped, and that your next Expression of Love arrives rapidly and is better than you could have ever hoped (it will be--that’s the Love promise). Even if that is your own Return To Source--the ultimate Love-to-Love experience.


All Of My Love To You,


Ranyoi


P. S. When I was so broken I couldn’t stand it and didn’t know what to do next, I Skyped T. J. Ziebell at Action Performance Clinic in Solana Beach, California. He showed me some amazing techniques, compassionately related with stories of his own, and reassured me. It was an absolutely incredible 40 minutes that had me go from sobbing uncontrollably to being able to smile again. I just wanted to mention this because if you know something’s good, you have an obligation to pass it on.


You can make an appointment to speak with him here:

https://www.actionperformancecare.com/hypnotherapy/


And I am also available for coaching.


Image Source:

Photo by ŞULE MAKAROĞLU on Unsplash

https://unsplash.com/photos/_gfLn2sQPfg


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