Updated: Jan 17
Whether you are going through a break-up and hurting every minute (second), or you’re stuck in a ho-hum rut, or even if things are pretty good right now, this technique is a winner.
You always hear and read people advocating babysteps, or micro-steps, and sometimes it’s hard to even know what that means.
Sometimes, you are so lost and broken, you don’t know where to start.
Sometimes you are so stuck in the same old, same old, that there doesn’t seem to be any direction to take a micro step in.
And sometimes, things are pretty okay and you are content enough that well…why bother?
“If you stop being creative every day, change will be frightening because you won’t know what your options are.”
And one thing that is absolutely promised in life is change:
Feeling happy, even blissful, purposeful, confident, and creative is something that has to be practiced. It’s like learning anything—you have to DO it and use it.
People like to give themselves grandiose deadlines like, “I will give myself one month, and then I will be over this.”
This can be an epic way to fail, whether you continue to grieve past the “end date”, or whether you stuff the unresolved feelings down and let them fester and explode out later (usually at the worst, most vulnerable moments).
Healing and getting “happy” are no more linear and guarantee-able than speaking a language fluently or becoming an Olympic-worthy gymnast.
And honestly…isn’t the worst part the waiting? Don’t you want to feel alive, excited, and fulfilled NOW??!!!
Isn’t the question you most NEED answered when bored, hurt, or after a break-up or life shake-up, “When will I be over this?”
YES. It’s the first thing any of us wants to know. It’s well-known that waiting times feel longer when we don’t have a defined endpoint. It breaks our willpower and leaves us feeling helpless, weak, and at the mercy of unknown, mute forces.
“Waiting is frustrating, demoralizing, agonizing, aggravating, annoying, time consuming and incredibly expensive.”
Be over it now. Live your best life now.
If that sounds flippant and unrealistic it is...IF you think you can do it indefinitely, automatically, and unconditionally.
The secret to getting out of heartbreak and over your ex- is to live your ideal life for *5 minutes*
And I don’t mean, think OF your ideal life for 5 minutes, which you may already do all the time with feelings of longing and impatience and heartbreaking wistful unreachable-ness that just compound on any hopelessness you already may have.
I mean think FROM your ideal life, be IN it. LUXURIOUS! LAVISH! LUSH! ***LIFE-LIKE!!!!*** Create the most intense, sensory-accurate, detailed, emotion-inducing waking dream you possibly can and see through your eyes, feel through your fingers, smell through your nose, taste with your tongue, hear through your ears, emote through your heart.
Suspend every ounce of disbelief and just vibe in this state for *5 gentle easy minutes*. Enact a scene of who and where you want to be, what you are doing, who you are doing it with, and what you are feeling as if that is true. DELICIOUS! DELIGHTFUL! DIVINE! DISTINCT! DEFINITE! ***DONE!!!!*** EXPERIENCE IT HAPPENING NOW in your imagination with all the appropriate associated feelings. Make it so REAL that coming back to the "real" world is a shock and a shadow of what "real" really is.
It feels unnatural and forced at first, and a lot of negative feelings start vying for attention to be dealt with. Suspending disbelief will feel impossible at first because every anxiety, doubt, and disappointment will be screaming at your nerves—AS PER USUAL. You are going to notice it more because you are actively trying to be in the opposite state for once.
Don’t stress and don’t strain. Gently refocus. The only power anything has is your attention to it, and that is only a state.
Whenever you have a few minutes to yourself, such as before you try to go to sleep, or when you take a walk / work out, or do some solitary & mindless “in the zone” task like clean, you can go right back there. It becomes easier and easier with practice, I promise. At first you are sure that you “feeling good” is impossible, even as a hoaky exercise in your own brain--just ANOTHER thing you are failing at because it feels like you are doing it all wrong and the negativity is crowding everything good out. But that is just how normalized for you the bad habit is—of giving the painful memories and cynical audience in your head too much attention and credit that they have never even earned. You have nothing to lose and five precious minutes of peace of mind and heart to gain.
It’s the ultimate form of escapism: your own world, your own ideal scene for your ideal you, and the more real it feels, the better you really do feel. Can you think of a better way to self-soothe than to instantly no longer be in a mediocre situation and into a glorious, riotous joyemony of a life?
People use this technique to manifest things into the real world. It’s a lot like losing weight: before you get to experience your ideal waist and pant size, you get little tastes of victory: First a pound, then another pound. The face looking just a bit less bloated. Shirts being a little less tight…You get to feel thinner and thinner as you go because it is happening before it “happens”.
Manifesting is like that too. You feel it a little more and a little more as you go. Little signs that something is happening, that things are going that way. Sometimes it even seems worse before it gets better. That is the energy moving.
One thing you can do, when you finally get really comfortable and REAL within your scene, is to start a new scene involving something else you have been wanting to have or experience, and make that just as real or “done”. When you have a few scenes you can freeze them into frames and put them on mental loop. This is a technique called rapid image cycling, that can actually alter the brain waves. It was discovered by Bill Bengston, PhD. You can learn how to do this effectively here:
The best part is that any strong emotion you feel, positive or negative, can be channeled into hyper-cycling the images—making them spin so fast you can’t see them as distinct anymore (although you know they are there). This is one reason I love image cycling, because I notice when I pour my fearful or other “bad” emotions into hypercycling, the power is taken out of the bad feelings. It kind of dissipates.
If you feel better, you feel BETTER, and that is what I call a win.
If you wish to use these techniques to manifest, or see these scenes externalize into physical facts, but can’t bring yourself to hope that is possible or how that can work, here is what I think may be happening:
Everything in the Universe is information. Like a computer program of 1s and 0s, everything in the Universe is some combination of either on or off, but all possibilities exist.
Just as it has been shown that thought or will influences random number generators*, thought or will influences the Universe’s code as well.
Because there is only one Creative Power that flows through infinite channels (everything that is, was, or will be, perceived or unperceived), and not only is it receptive to suggestion, but it operates on suggestion. Creation is ongoing because life is evolving everyday. Ergo: creation is based on suggestion, direction, and response to need.
If all possibilities exist, and creation is ongoing and mutable, then by holding the information of a scene or image, you direct Creation to that state in fact, because it may be that the Creative power does not discriminate between thought information and physical information, just as your own brain does not differentiate between a vivid thought and an actual event.** Information is information, just as energy is energy (whether kinetic or potential). It is just a state: "As above, so below". I think that thought information is like co-ordinates to direct the flow of Being-ness; and emotion, attention, and release (or surrender) are the catalyst in cosmic triage to prioritize, set up, and cement the flow of the physical to those co-ordinates in the “All Possibility”.
“The secret of living life and loving it is this: first, your feeling of livingness of Life in you as well as in all life everywhere should be to recognize Life as intelligent and to know that when this Intelligence is working through you, it does not change its essential nature. It has always been a receptive power that is amenable to suggestion and it is always responsive and creative.”
These are just my best guesses on a metaphysical bent. But whether that appeals to you or not, this technique can ground you and keep you sane and hopeful when all feels lost. There were times this was the only thing that kept me functional instead of losing it completely because the powerlessness, defeat, and loss felt too cruel, permanent, unfair, sudden, overwhelming, long, and final. Blogs and friends full of platitudes didn’t, couldn’t change my depression, fears, and beliefs. I had to see and live it for myself.
I had to use my awesome creative power (that I didn’t believe in but was too desperate and broken to refuse) to give myself what I needed.
I hope it helps you too.
“The mind that alters, alters all.” –William Blake
All My Love (Fabsolutely Always!),
*Maier MA, Dechamps MC, Pflitsch M. Intentional Observer Effects on Quantum Randomness: A Bayesian Analysis Reveals Evidence Against Micro-Psychokinesis. Frontiers in Psychology. 2018; 9, 379 10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00379
**Marianne Cumella Reddan, Tor Dessart Wager, Daniela Schiller. Attenuating Neural Threat Expression with Imagination. Neuron, 2018; 100 (4): 994 DOI: 10.1016/j.neuron.2018.10.047